What's Love Got to do With It

Cry Me a River, Build Me a Bridge and Get Over It? Easier said than done. Throughout my life, this has been one of the hardest concepts for me to grasp. Throughout my academic career, through Applied Calculus, Quantitative Business Analysis, and any other upper level classes where the name of the class is harder to pronounce then some of the concepts, through all of these trials, tribulations, and lessons learned this has got to be the hardest one for me to grasp.

And it is not just in relationships that it is difficult for me to apply this to, it extends to many different aspects of my life. For instance, I need to get over the fact that in 6th grade who I thought was my best friend turned around and stabbed in the back just one short year later. I need to get over the fact that through my entire basketball career I could count the number of games my mom came to on one hand. I need to get over a lot of things but I can't.

More recently I find that it is hardest for me to get over men. Not just any man, but those few and infrequent men that charge into my life like a wild fire and leave a blazing trial of unforgettable devastation across my heart. You know the ones that come in to your life and spark that flame in your heart. The thought of him puts a smile on your face, being around him is the equivalent of pure bliss and the way he says your name sends chills up your spine. And then you turn around a month and a few days of his lies later and you forgot what it was that use to make you smile, you begin to wish for those days of chills up your spine and long for the days of bliss. Well, thats me wishing and longing for things long gone, holding on to any small insignificant ray of hope that things will get better. Any petite indication of a turn around to betetr days. It could be as simple as an email or as little as a phone call, but just any sign that he still cares.

Sooo....it is time. The inevitable has come. It is time to let go. Subconsciously, underneath it all and unknown to my deepest levels of unconsciousness I have been unknowingly harboring feelings of resentment for all the men in both my past and present. The built up resentment has manifested inself in the form of bitterness and it has grown as a wall around my heart preventing my growth and development. So as a way of moving on, here on this public forum, I am putting it out there and letting it all go. I will, from here on out, no longer harbor ill feelings towards those in my past that have done any type of unintentional or intentional ill will towards me. I ask that God give me the strength to forgive but not forget because experience comes from lessons learned from mistakes. I hope by letting go I can make room to become a better person.....

Food for Thought: If it is wrong then it shouldn't feel this good, and if it is right then why does it hurt so bad?