What's Love Got to do With It

• An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of "ruining the friendship."

• Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking.

• If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

• Just because you like to lead doesn't mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.

• "Hey, let's meet at so-and-so's party/any bar/friend's house" is not a date. Even if you live in New York.

• Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.

• You are good enough to be asked out.

These were all excerpts from one of my favorite books.
So I just got through watching Sex in the City (one of the best shows ever!) This particular episode spawned the book entitled "He's Just Not That Into You" by By Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Ladies, if you've never read this book I make a strong suggestion that you do.
It is freeing and empowering as well as HILARIOUS!! Many times it is hard for females to get the point. We make excuses for men, we scheme and plot on how to snag Mr. Perfect. NEWSFLASH, Mr. Perfect doesn't exist! The book is full of insight into the female mind and it sheds light on the excuses we make for men. It isn’t always easy to admit, but at the end of the day, regardless of what has happened, if he’s just not that into then guess what? HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Another excerpt from the book

Since I've been implementing Greg's handy-dandy "he's just not that into you" philosophy, I've been feeling surprisingly more powerful. Because if the men are asking you out, if the men have to get your attention, then you, in fact, are the one in control. There's no scheming and plotting. And there is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask us out. We're fantastic.

Mistakes
If I could go back in time
If only life would let me rewind
Constantly on my mind
Thinking of what could have been mine

I am infamous for making mistakes. And not those ‘opps I put too much butter on my toast mistakes.’ More like ‘opps we convicted the wrong person mistakes.’ Those life long, life changing, go straight to jail do not pass go, do not collect $200, type mistakes. Those type of mistakes you can’t explain. You can’t really say why you did what you did.

You ever want to meet someone who has the ability to ruin a good thing, holla at me. Because I am the Queen of mistakes, yet never the princess of regret. I accept the consequences of my actions, and I realize that when I make bad decisions I force other people to react. So I can’t blame him for moving on, because I would too.

But through the years I have learned that timing is everything. Whether it is traffic, a pizza in the oven, a dance routine or an alarm clock….when it comes to life, time is king. It seems like everything in life revolves around perfecting your timing. At any point in time a bad decision made at the right time may turn out to more beneficial than making a great decision at the wrong time.

I say all of that to say:

My timing is always off.

She’s so suspicious
Always weary of being the other mistress
This situation lacks trust,
And mistrust leads to distrust
Which leaves no room for us
Or better yet no room for me
I strain my eyes trying to see
These fallacies surround me like the branches of a tree
And here I stand like little Ms. Johnny apple seed
Planting the suspicious seed for the tree of the misconceived
Waiting to be deceived
Even though there is no deceit to see
Something is telling me
That-it-is-there

If you seek you shall find
And in my mind
I already know the answer is the same as mine
It has to be
There are no other possibilities
I don’t question his love for me
But there is more to this situation than my eyes can see
But this isn’t up for debate or discussion
I know my suspicions will lead to destruction
About the consequences I don’t care
Because I feel it, I know that-it-is-there

Call it woman’s intuition
Some may say that I am making it my mission
That my expectation will eventually answer my own question
Instead of the revealing the truth
I can’t seem to find my way through

And no one seems to understand it when I say
We are so close in my heart yet so far away
How can you love someone but never believe a word that they say
This situation is lacking substance all around
My soul is gasping for air with no help to be found
Everyday questions arise
And I search for the answer in his eyes
Yet, I see nothing

Love without trust means nothing
Something like feeling without touching
Having a saying with no meaning
Having an ending with no beginning
It just doesn’t make sense
There’s gotta be more to it than this
Yet the harder I look it seems like the more I miss

Picture this:
When I think about it….I feel it
And when I don’t think about it...I feel it more
And the more I feel, the more I grow suspicious
That I am nothing more than...his other mistress

FYI: This school thing, this whole college experience, at this point and time is soooooo over rated!

Long long long time no type….I know I know…I have no viable excuse for
my hiatus besides pure and unadulterated laziness. I spent 3 weeks in
California, which was pure heaven on earth. But fast forwarding to the
present, is it me has 2006 started off as one of the most bizarre
years? So I guess we'll work backwards from the most recent events in
my life.

No Future in Ya Fronti'
Yesterday, Mr. Aggressive decides that he wants to be on my good side.
He comes through, introduces me to his best-friend, parades me around
for the friend, exploits my intelligence, piggy-back on all the 'great
things about me' all for the sake of making himself look better in
front of his friend….like "let's parade the little black Howard girl
around." Let us keep in mind this is the same guy who ignored my phone
calls for a week, cussed me out in the club, and told me that not only
was I disrespectful but that I was acting like (and forgive me for my
paraphrasing here) but basically that I was acting something close to
the average club whore. Now granted 10 years from now when I am
otherwise involved with some star athlete or the Black Bill Gates I
will have no problem being the philanthropist, charity, token wife but
as for now and as for Mr. Aggressive, I don't think so. The fakin' got
so bad I had to turn to his best friend and say "I don't know why he's
acting like this, because Mr. Aggressive here doesn't even like
me!"…ouch, I know the truth hurts. But please please don't fake in
front of your friends like we are living happily ever after like
Beauty and the Beast.

Hummm….Not that into you?
So on from Mr. Aggressive, to Mr. Evasive. After our
happy-hour-night-on-the-town last week he took a major hiatus and I
didn't hear from him for a few days short of a full week. Now, the
question I pose to the general public and probably more so to myself
is, how into me can a guy be if you only hear from him every two or
three days. Now maybe I am old school and so use to jumping into
things head first, but what happen to the "I find you so irresistible
I need to talk to you at least once a day." Now pre-
happy-hour-night-on-the-town I was pretty luke warm about him so
talking to him every couple of days was no biggie, but post our night
out my attraction to him has jumped 100% and now I find myself wanting
him in high demand. I really like him but don't want to come off as
the 'needy-clingy-I-want-you' type girl so instead I am playing it
cool and acting nonchalant when I don't hear from him. But I guess the
real issue here is how into me is he? Inquiring minds want to know.

Throwback…literally
Back tracking one more step, I once a long long blog time ago was head
over heels for a guy (well call him Freeway, don't ask…lol!) Anyways,
8 months into this 'situation' I found out he had wooed another girl
and that they were officially boy/girl-friend for 3 months out of the
time that I was otherwise involved with him. Anyways, to make a long
and exaggerated story short, I found out that they are now engaged!
Ouch! That has got to hurt…believe me, it does. What is to be said
about being the girl that he cheated on and now he's changed and is
marrying the other woman. No one ever wants to be the last girlfriend
before the engagement. It makes it seem like you aren't the marrying
type. We all make that excuse that he's too immature to be married or
that maybe he just didn't want to be in a relationship but when he up
and proposes to the next girl he dates, it kinda makes you wonder. You
know what I mean? Either way, it was a shock. But God Bless the soul
of a woman who could deal with such an egotistical man 'til death do
them part'…lol!!

As for the rest of my life, it is going as well as a last-semester,
freaking-out, desperate-for-a-job-offer,
turning-22-and-approaching-a-quarter-life-crisis can.

"How many ways can I say that I hate you?
How many days will it take for me to shake you?"

Why is letting go of past relationships so hard? Its so weird to me
how some people I can get over, forget, and move on from so easily
while there are those others that I will never forget and some that I
think I am still not over.

For example, there was this guy that I met at 7-Eleven this summer. We
talked for a month and he finally convinced me that we should go out
on a date. I was hesitant because he had a lot of baggage and a shaky
past but despite my apprehension I went out with him anyway. And hands
down, no questions about it, this was the best date I had ever been
on. We bowled which was a great fun and easy way to relax the "first
date" jitters. We ate at my favorite restaurant (you know me...fat
girl at heart) and the conversation was on point. Then we took a walk
along the river and then went to a bar on the water and sat in the
cool night air and talked some more. But despite these fond memories
of the man, I only called him once after the date and that was just to
say thank you. I don't think about him much and actually dodged a
couple of his phone calls after the date. I don't know why, he was
really really cute, had a great personality, but I was just NOT that
into him. And he will go down as nothing more than
that-guys-who's-name-I-can't-remember-but-he-took-me-on-the-greatest-date-ever.

But then there are those ones that I can't seem to forget and the
closest we've probably come to a date was watching a movie in my room.

So what is it about the men who work themselves into my blood stream
and make me an addict to the sound of their voice, a fiend for their
touch, and a fanatic of their name. I look back and realize that half
of the men that I can't let go of weren't worth my time and attention
anyway. And the few that were still aren't worth it. These lingering
emotions, fantasies of past perfection, and unrealistic ideals of what
once was are not doing anything but hindering me from my future
blessings.

"God can't land you new blessing if your runway is backed up"

I got to learn to let it go....

The Comeback

*Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years*

I could lie and say that I've been busy and that I have so much to do and that's why I have abandoned my post but in actuality I've just been avoiding writing. Like most people who write blogs I put a lot of who I am into writing each and every post in an attempt to give readers a chance to get to know who I really am, and lately life has thrown me so many curve balls that I find it impossible to keep up and write (type) it all down.

The last time we were here together in this forum we were exploring different emotions. This was my way of dealing with different things that I was feeling and that I had going on in my life. And the funny part about it all is that here I am a whole month later and I am still dealing with some of the same issues with some of the same people. But I am determined to get over it all before the n New Year because I always like to start off a new year fresh.

So today I want to review.....

THE THINGS I'VE LEARNED IN 2005 (so far)

1. Never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.

2. God made men and women equal and whole individuals. So stop looking for someone to complete you and instead look for your equal.

3. Its funny because when you stop looking that is when you find exactly what you've been waiting for the entire time.

4. Live by your own rules. Don't try to measure up to someone elses criteria because you will always fall short.

5. True strength comes from within.

6. A lot of people mistake my kindness for blindness and they shouldn't.

7. Men lie and so do women. Women are just better at not getting caught.

8. You gotta live life by the motto "No reciprocity" which means doing something good for someone and expecting nothing in return.

9. The bad times are so much easier to remember than the good times.

10. Hindsight is always 20/20.

11. Real friends are hard to come by.

12. Love makes you dumb.

13. Change is inevitable. Embrace change and jump forward at every opportunity.

14. What is done in the dark will always come to the light.

15. You can never be happy in a relationship unless you are happy with yourself.

16. Nice guys don't finish last they just choose the wrong girls.

17. Things don't always work out the way you plan them to...duh!!

18. Blackplanet, myspace, facebook and blogs are addicting.

19. There are even cliques on the internet. It is natural for people to group themselves together and try isolate their group from others in an attempt to distinguish themselves from others and therefore make themselves feel unique.

20. Dating is fun!

21. Girls are dumb but women are even dumber.

22. Family is priceless.

23. People will take you for granted only if you let them. They never know what they have until its gone.

24. Summer is definitely my season. And red is definitely my color (or maybe brown is...hummm...who know?)

25. I don't know how I lived before I got my sidekick.

26. I'm a bitch (in a good way and a bad)

TO BE CONTINUED